Why some people are struggling to stay at home during lockdown

While I am writing this, I am hearing some vehicles passing the road near my house. Also I can hear 3-4 people walking by, chatting. When I checked through my window I saw that they are neither milk or food delivery guys nor healthcare people, reporters or police personnel .. they are just people roaming around.  We are also watching videos and reading about these young boys and girls roaming around on streets. Despite the fear of catching the covid19 virus or getting beaten up by the police, these people are getting on the roads. Why? Let’s try to understand 

• People who are extroverts might find being isolated at home difficult

Extroversion is a personality trait in which a person has a high need for social interaction. Extroverts draw energy from being with other people and they are therefore seen as outgoing, energetic, talkative people. On the other hand Introverts tend to feel drained after socializing and regain their energy by spending time alone.

It might be a lot more difficult for an extrovert to stay at home than an introvert because he/she might find themselves a lot more lonely, anxious and drained by not getting enough social interactions. 

Best solutions are online communities, social media, skype calls, group video calls. All these methods can temporarily cater to extrovert’s needs for social interactions. Decide a daily schedule for catching up with old and new friends, family members and colleagues so that you feel your daily quota of socialization is sufficed. 

• Children and adults with ADHD might find it very difficult to restrict their physical movements. 

ADHD (Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder) is a neurodevelopmental disorder characterized by a combination of inattention, hyperactivity, and impulsive behavior. In India, studies have found that the percentage  of ADHD among children is roughly 11% and in adults it is roughly 5%. ADHD among males (66.7%) is higher than females (33.3%). The prevalence of ADHD among lower socio-economic groups was found to be 16.33%.

So there are a good number of children and adults who are currently stuck at home and are feeling tremendously anxious to move around and do something. They might find it difficult to stick to the work or activity they start because their attention is not sustaining on that task. Parents are finding it extremely challenging to create opportunities for children to consume their  overflowing energies. 

Solution to ADHD in this lockdown could be regular physical exercise. At Least one hour of good cardio exercise which makes the person sweat and tires him out. Exercises like skipping, jumping jacks, bar pull ups are good for children as well as.adults. Some children and adults need to keep their hands engaged to keep their mind calm. They need some fidgets to play with like stress balls, fidget spinners, tapping with football etc. Let them have these things handy to keep their hands occupied. Mothers need to forget about neat and tidy spaces, noise free homes for a while and let children have a go at their crafting, origami, drawing, painting and other imaginary play ideas as well. 

Adults can occupy their mind with different board games, traditional as well as newly invented. 

• Sensation seeking needs of teens can force them step out

Sensation seeking is a personality trait defined by the search for experiences and feelings, that are "varied, novel, complex and intense", and by the readiness to "take physical, social, legal, and financial risks for the sake of such experiences." Risk is not an essential part of the trait, as many activities associated with it are not risky. However, risk may be ignored, tolerated, or minimized and may even be considered to add to the excitement of the activity.

Sensation seeking tendency is seen to be higher in adolescents than adults. That's why we see more teen aged boys and girls  on roller coaster rides than adults. 

Despite the fear of consequences adolescents might want to experience going out on streets and that's why we see groups of teenage boys and young men roaming around on streets. 

What can parents do in this situation is be more understanding of their children's adventure seeking tendency and have a clear conversation with them and lay the rules out very clearly. If harsh consequences are not motivating enough, how about positive consequences of staying at home- positive reinforcement. Increase their internet time for now or let them play an online game like racing cars, football, mountain biking etc to temporarily satisfy their trill seeking desires. ( close supervision and tapering down of these internet based activities are two important things. So that children don't have  risky internet presence or get habitual) 

• Family dynamics can play important role 

Family dynamics are the patterns of interactions between family members that influence family structure, hierarchy, roles, values, and behaviours.

India has a large number of joint families and families where two or three generations live together and not all homes are big enough to give all the members enough physical space. This could be playing important role in making staying at home sufferable. 

All family members need to understand that this is not a common situation or everyday problem so solutions also need to be quite out of box. Restructuring of responsibilities and roles will be necessary to make sure that only few members of family are not working overtime. The load of work is distributed properly. We need to distant ourselves from other members of family, if not physically, atleast mentally,  for couple of hours to do some task of self care like exercise, meditation, reading or other hobby activities. So that we feel recharged again to interact with the family. 

To summarise; All the above, extroversion, ADHD, sensation seeking tendency and family dynamics could be the reasons which make people vulnerable to cross the "laxmanresha" and get out on roads without valid reasons. But there are always work arounds and things we can do to overpower these barriers.  It's important to  Understand what mine or my family member's struggles are and finding right solutions so that we all stay home and save ourselves. We are all in this together, we can do this. 

Why do we need to invest in delayed gratification?

Wanting to sleep today  and promising to start workout from tomorrow.. 

Wanting to eat unhealthy fast food which tastes delicious but is unhealthy instead of the healthy option which will not taste good now but will give healthy benefits later. 

Wanting to check how many people liked or commented on your post from two minutes ago on social media.

All are examples of instant gratification! Instant gratification refers to the urge  and resulting tendency, to ' let go' of a  future benefit in order to obtain a less rewarding but more immediate benefit. 

The famous Stanford marshmallow experiment was conducted in 1972 led by psychologist Walter Mischel.  In this study, children were offered a choice between one small but immediate reward, or two small rewards if they waited for a period of time.

So the researcher would offer child a marshmallow and suggest to the child that he can eat the marshmallow now or he can wait for fifteen minutes and get two marshmallows. Then the researcher would leave the room for about 15 minutes and would return to check what choice the child has made.  Children who chose to eat the first marshmallow opted for instant gratification and those who waited for fifteen minutes and got two marshmallows chose delayed gratification. In follow-up studies, the researchers found that children who were able to wait longer for the preferred rewards tended to have better life outcomes based on their health conditions, academic success and other important life choices. 

Sigmund Freud, the father of psychology explained delayed gratification using id, ego and super ego. 

Id says I want ice cream and I want it now .. 

Superego says it's midnight, having ice cream now is not good for teeth. Also you have gained so much weight... can't have ice cream. 

Ego says let's do a compromise .. go to sleep now, wake and do two hours of exercise in the morning then you can have an ice cream as a reward. 

As a baby we only know instant gratification. A baby wants food now, wants to sleep now, needs change of clothes NOW. .. as they only know about basic urges and needs like thirst, hunger, feeling cold or hot and need of sleep.  Babies have no idea that there is something called delayed gratification also.

Delayed gratification is an ability to resist immediately awaited rewards in favour of obtaining a larger reward in the future.  If I behave good now I will get to eat chocolate later. If I work hard in my field now and harvest food then I will get to store and eat it later when extreme weather conditions hit me like snow, cold, heavy rain etc. So delayed gratification is a learned behaviour which comes from experiences we have. 

What's happening in our brain when we chose instant gratification or delayed one? 

Hippocampus the rational brain has this capability to weigh the consequences and chose rationally. Nucleus accumbens is the portion of brain which is a reward center or pleasure center. Any choice we need to make regarding our wants, urges if only nucleus accumbens is involved definitely pleasure seeking will be focus of the brain but if some time is given to think and other information is provided  like how big is the reward that awaits and after how much wait, then the hippocampus jumps in. And then the negotiation happens between hippocampus and nucleus accumbens to stall the instant pleasure seeking and the brain gets ready to wait for the delayed gratification. 

What are the negative consequences of choosing instant gratification over delayed gratification, every time? 

first obvious problem is that you loose out on the reward which you could have gotten after waiting. But that's not all, there are some other issues as well. 

Like we end up training our brain to not wait for hippocampus to get involved before taking any decisions and always focusing on pleasure seeking. Which results in increasing impulsive tendencies and lack of impulse control.  

If urges like consuming alcohol, substances, smoking, gambling are not controlled by the rational brain then there is risk of addictions. 

The individuals who are used to only instant gratification, when their needs, wants and desires don't get satisfied immediately, they can become victims of irrational self doubt, anxiety and depression which could result as worse as suicidal. 

All of the following are results of today's world which focuses so much on instant gratification and every day new technology based inventions are coming to make the wait of something to happen even shorter than what it was Yesterday: 

*We see individuals getting addictions like smoking, drinking, screen addiction, social media addiction which is want of immediate approval addiction.

*People finding it difficult to save for their future and spending all the money they earn on materialist wants of today. 

*Young adults who are so used to get everything immediately as and when they want it, getting really nervous, anxious and depressed if they are deprived of pleasures of life due to some reasons. 

What can we do to ignore instant gratification and wait for the delayed gratification which is a more healthy and appropriate choice?

1) Our self talk needs some work

We have been telling ourselves things like 'you live just once', 'who knows if there is tomorrow’,’ life is short, make most of it'  all such statements conveniently gives control to nucleus accumbens and we focus only on pleasure seeking. Might be true, life is full of unexpected surprises and there are no guarantees. But still definitely investing in long term goals has its benefits. Imagine if the humans when first found mangos on mango trees, would have just ate these tasty fruits and no one would have thought of putting the seeds back in ground and tried to grow a mango tree so that he and his future generations can have plenty of mangoes in future. Can’t imagine world without mangoes, right? 

2) Role of parents

Parents have to teach children by exposing them to different experiences that the reward of waiting is much more and important than choosing something which we are getting now. As parents we have to cultivate habit of keeping bigger goals and chunking them down into smaller objectives and staying focused to achieve them. Let’s take an example. If I want my child to learn skill of creative writing and he wants a new bicycle. I can tell him that if he writes diary for a month every night before bed, he will get bicycle at the end of the month. Here I am teaching my child to do a focused activity over a period of time for a big reward in the end rather than choosing the instant gratification of playing on his phone till late at night. 

We also have to teach children to set the rules by themselves like setting appropriate goals, deciding interesting rewards if they achieve these goals and also deciding appropriate punishment if they fail to achieve the goals. Like if I finish this paper by Saturday, I will treat myself with a movie on Sunday but if I fail to do this task then I will have to clean bathroom super clean on Sunday. 

3) Saying goodbye to procrastination

Procrastination happens when we postpone something important but unpleasant and instead engage in an activity which is not relevant but gives instant gratification. For example instead of finishing due homework a student keeps playing on his mobile. Instead of completing the presentation due tomorrow, somebody will just stall time eating chips. We need to handle our Procrastination better so that it doesn’t push us towards instant gratification. There are some systematic approaches to handle Procrastination like tasks, to do lists, commitments and agreements. 

To conclude,  today when we are facing harsh consequences of quick fixes, immediate responses and instant gratification, it has become so much important to master the art of patience, the skill of waiting and the habit of investing in delayed gratification. 

How to make our children with learning difficulties read for fun!

How to make our children with learning difficulties read for fun! 

Dear Parents and Teachers,

Most of the children with learning difficulties (LD) struggle in reading and don’t develop reading as a hobby.  

All their struggles in vocablary, comprehention, sentence formation, imagination, general awreness and composition skills could be taken care of, if they develop habit of reading.

Parents can motivate children to read 

1. By modelling what we expect children to do. You can give your TV some rest and start reading soemthing for yourself. Start with something light if reading does not come to you naturally. Sudha Murthy, Chetan Bhagat could be your first authors. Find time to read. Children see what you do very carefully, believe me! 

2. You can read bedtime stories to your children of any age. While reading out loud for them do ‘dramatic reading’ which makes the story more interesting and teaches children rules of punctuation. If you are reading something and come across something interesting, read it out loud for your children.

3. Take children to liabraries and book shops like crossword and let them “window shop”. These shops encourage reading on their floors. Let child read two comic books there only and buy third for home reading. 

4. Start a “book club” with other parents. Where children can come together, talk about books, exchange books.

5. If your child has read a book and a movie version of the same comes, take your child to watch it. Discuss what he enjoyed more, the book or the movie? Why?

The below document can help children to kich start the reading. With the help of these guidelines, they might start reading unwillingly but slowly they will start their journey towards “passionate reading.”

How to read a book

(Which is not your text book)

Dear Children,

Grab a 'cool' looking book. We are planing to read it. Please follow the  guidelines given below

1.   First read the title & look at the cover picture. What does these two things tell us ? 

      What’s this book about, will it be a good read ? 

      Any suggestions from you to the author ? ( About the cover )

      What is on the back cover of the book ?

     (Sometimes the back cover talks about the book itself or talks about other publications.)

2.  Are there any other interesting facts about the book in next 2,3 pages.

3.  What do you think of the index...

4.  Now see how thick the book is ?

How many pages? How many pictures?

How much time it will take you to read it? (Predict it realistically)

               (If the book looks too thick. Think “it’s a dare! I can read it.”)

5.  Try to read  the book from beginning to end. It’s nice to follow this route, otherwise we might not enjoy the book as much as we should. Read 1st chapter & decide whether you want to read the book.   

6.  Make a nice “Book Mark” for yourself which helps you to stay on the right page.

7.  Read paragraph & while reading:

     Think, What is this paragraph telling me about? What are the  meanings of words, I am not aware of? Can I guess their meanings based on the context or do I need to look them up in dictionary? (or google it with parent’s permission)

8.  Is this story/ information similar to.. 

Something I have read  before

Something I have heard/seen before

Something I have experienced before

Something I have imagined before

Try to make these connections.

9.  If you start reading after some gap and if you find it difficult to reconnect to what you were reading. Read a page before that..... suddenly it will come back to you!

10. Even if you are reading silently, in your mind, remember to .........

•  Laugh when you read something funny
•  Cry a little (feel sad) when you read something sad.
•  Share something nice/new you read with your parents, friends,teachers.     
• Let the story carry you in the land of imagination, picture, the scences of story, make a “mind movie” about the story. 

11.  Once you finish the book. Pat yourself for this!  Bravo! You finished the book.

• How did you do about the speed? Did you finish in predicted time?  
• What other books can you read on similar topic?                              
• Would you like to read more books from this author?                             
• Tell your friends why you like this book and recommend the book to them.    

Books are our friends. Lets enjoy them.

Happy Reading!